In the past, I’ve been desperate enough to buy my mother a clock that features a different birdcall at every hour. Remember the Big Mouth Billy Bass plaque? (“Take me to the river …”) I bought one for my father-in-law. I paid big bucks for a digital photo frame my parents refused to leave plugged in; a waste of electricity, they said. And I refuse to take the blame for these misguided gift-giving attempts. These people are just too hard to buy for!

I finally, FINALLY have the solution to what to buy for hard to buy for people: LifeLock. Here’s why:

• My mother has Alzheimer and frequently loses her purse. (She’s getting a little confused about all those birds in her house, too.) Lost wallets are a common source of information for ID theft, and if she loses hers again, LifeLock makes it a whole lot easier to cancel and replace its contents.
• Anyone who has lived in the same house for more than 10 years doesn’t have room for anything else; every closet, every drawer, and every inch of wall space is full. This is a big part of what makes these people hard to buy for. (But I doubt this is why my in-laws never hung up that singing bass.)
• Fewer elderly people check their bank balances online, order their credit reports or apply for new credit—some of the most common ways of discovering identity theft.
• You don’t have to go to the mall to get it.

I have LifeLock and I’m happy with it. I’ve been an ID theft victim and I’ve been writing about ID theft for years. I know all the horror stories and they scare me to death.

Even if identity thieves never target these hard to buy for people, most elderly people are concerned they will be targets … and they will forevermore think of you as the most thoughtful daughter, son, niece or nephew. And they will be so glad you quit buying them those other awful gifts. And, if you’re lucky, they’ll quit giving you fruitcakes.